The Battle of the Clive

Campbell Jenkins
September 1, 2023

Picture this: Emerging from your respective yurt, you are overcome with an urge you know and have known since the dawn of your time. As you make your way swiftly through the sleepy Arcadian village, the ever-increasing need begins to take hold of your psyche. Passing between the stoic beings dressed in bark and adorned with leaves and pine needles, you find yourself facing Clivus, the composting toilet that is the cornerstone of Arcadian life. But as you approach, you are faced with a decision that may determine your path in life: do you choose Left Clive or Right Clive? Each side of the Clive, which has two stalls, is valid and respected in its own way, so you must weigh the benefits of each.

Should you select the Left Clive with its many windows facing the bustle of village life? Those who choose the left are the watchful guardians of Arcadia even in their most vulnerable moments. The lefters sit atop a wooden throne with a breathtaking landscape painting to greet them as they open the lid to the belly of the beast. While they sit watch, the words of those who came before encompass them in a welcoming warmth that embodies the sisterhood of Left Clive.

Or should you go for the Right Clive with its careful, clean order and view that overlooks Tenderfoot Cove? The right stall is adorned with accoutrements such as a “Prepare to Unload” sign from the Big Tupper Ski Area and other secrets that reside within the numerous quotations decorating the plywood walls. When you shut Right Clive’s door, you are also greeted with a fantastical mural of a colorful blob with little tendrils spiraling out.

Each of Clive’s stalls is worthy in its own way, but many Adirondack Semester students value one over the other. Anyone who has spent time in Arcadia holds an opinion on the Clive. Take current ADKer Callie Richards, who is one of the rare few who are ambidextrous, meaning that she uses both stalls freely. Richards believes that both Clives offer different things and her usage patterns change from day to day. Callie sees herself as “The Bridge between the Two Clives,” someone who can see eye to eye with whoever crosses her path. Before diving into the feud, it is important to recognize those like Callie who blur the line between Left Clive and Right Clive, thus serving as much-needed mediators. Additionally, which Clive you prefer does not necessarily reflect your character—you can still be a good person and prefer one over the other. Now, without further ado, onto the Battle of Left and Right!

Those who claim the Left Clive are steadfast in their morals and intensely loyal to their predecessors. Upon arrival at Arcadia, we learned how to properly care for the Clive, such as the raking of composting fecal matter and the bilging of urine. Roisin Creedon-Carey (ADK ’21) communicated that part of the reason they loved the Adirondack Semester was because of the Clive. It is fascinating that an inanimate object maintains such a steady hold on Arcadian minds. Like Roisin, Arianna Roeder-Fabos is a dedicated Left Clive connoisseur who cites her reasoning in the abundant reading material and the sisterhood that Left Clive represents. However, when nature calls and the Left is occupied, she won’t hold her needs to favor one side over the other. When asked about how Ms. Roeder feels about the feud between the Clives, she understands but dislikes its conflict. Interestingly, Ben Graham is a Left Cliver who holds a drastically different opinion and attitude, stating that he prefers the view of the village because it allows him to “look over my kingdom.” This divergent view shows that different people choose their Clive sides for different reasons.

On my journalistic journey to interview a Right Cliver, I stumbled across Cooper Anderson who provided an interesting commentary on his preference. As someone who enjoys a good poop with a view, Mr. Anderson appreciates the Right because it allows him to see the forest and a sliver of Tenderfoot Cove between the trees. Additionally, when the sun shines just so, Cooper explains that the light illuminates the Right, especially around 6 p.m., “the golden hour of s****ing” when the scenery matches his mood splendidly. Cooper is also one of the people who originally started his career in the Left but later converted to the Right—maybe because of the gorgeous lighting and stunning view? One thing that sets Anderson apart from other Lefters is that he believes the feud is just getting started.

So stay tuned, folks, because the Battle of the Clive has just begun, and Clivers of both persuasions are solidifying their positions. At the end of the day, though, it doesn’t really matter which Clive you choose to do your business in as long as the business gets done. So choose a side, take a seat, and don’t forget to scoop some wood chips in afterwards because we all have to do our business somewhere, so we might as well be passionate about where we do it.